So you want to be depressed but are always too damn happy? Well we've got an easy to follow list of 5 things highly depressed people do. If you practice these techniques you'll be dragged in on a 5150 in no time:
5 - Worry All The Fucking Time:
We're not talking about "did I leave the oven on?" shit here. Worrying all the time takes skill and don't worry if it takes you a while to learn how to do it. That was a test! You should ABSOLUTELY worry about that along with things such as:
- This person hasn't called me back quickly. Do they hate me?
- I've been gone for 5 minutes, did someone break into my house and steal all of my stuff and murder my dog?
- Is the waitress going to spit in my food because I asked for no cheese?
If it's working, the answer to all of the above will be YES.
4 - Constantly Unfriend/Unfollow People On Social Media:
Someone didn't click like on your post? Fuck em. Someone keeps posting photos of them "enjoying" their life? Fuck em. ANOTHER fucking baby photo? Unfriend these people immediately for sure but the key to lasting depression is regretting it immediately.
3 - Let Everyone Know:
There's no point in going to all the trouble of being depressed if you're not going to shout it from the rooftops. Post about it on social media as much as possible to bait people into talking to you about it.
2 - NEVER Finish What You Start:
Depressed people have a way of getting excited about a project and then stopping halfway through. Maybe you want to refinish a table? Sand down about half of it and just leave it as a daily reminder of your own failures. Want to finally write that masterpiece screenplay? Get a great looking title page together and just stare at it. Creating a list of 5 things? Stop at 4 and see how depressed you get. Whatever your "dream project" is, the trick is to start it and then simply stop well before you're done.
Thanks for reading and we hope this was helpful to you.